Are you single and tired of getting the questions “How is your love life going?” and “Poor thing, haven’t you found one yet?”
Do not despair, being single is simply not stupid. Research and psychology show that it is good to be single.
Single and happy
– Some people love to be single. It is something they value, says the American psychologist and researcher Bella Depaulo (66).
She has been happily single all her life. In her TedxTalk, she illustrates that singles are generally just as happy, or happier, than married couples in the long run.
– People who do not want to be single, can still get a lot out of their time as a single, says Depaulo.
Depaulo tells Klikk.no that married people do not stay happier than they were when they were single.
– They become a little happier when they get married, but then the happiness goes to the same level or lower as it was when they were single.
So what are you really missing?
More openness about single life
Researcher and psychologist Frode Thuen says that many feel a need for a partner because they have an innate psychological need to connect with someone. You often feel an emotional connection to a partner.
Another factor is that many feel pressure from society.
– The external pressure has always been there, but it was greater before than today. Today, there are less expectations and requirements to find a partner and establish a family. 40 percent of the population is single at all times, says Thuen.
Enjoys single life
Ida Fladen and Isabel Raad talk about how they enjoy single life in the podcast “Ida with heart in hand”.
Single life consists of dating, weekend visits, partying and a little more alone time than you might want.
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As singles, they have the opportunity to enjoy themselves whenever they want and have time for themselves when they want it. Raad says that she is a voluntary single, and feels better about herself when she is single.
– I can do what I want. I can look at what I want, eat what I want, sleep the way I want. I can flirt and live life, says Raad in the podcast.
– The advantage of being single is that you have no one but yourself to take into account in everyday life. You can do what you want and need at any time. You also get more time for family and friends, says Fladen.
Relationships are not just a dance on roses. There are many benefits to single life that we forget to appreciate. Click has collected good reasons to be single:
1. More time for yourself
Marriage and divorce
- The average age of men marrying for the first time is 35 years
- For women, the average age is 32 years.
- Almost 40 percent of all marriages in Norway end in divorce
Depaulo says that those who learn to love single life, love the time they have for themselves. They do not fear loneliness; they value the relaxation, creativity and peace they have.
Thuen says that it always has a price to live in a relationship. There are many worries, disappointments and stress in a relationship.
– Living together in a relationship is about adapting. You give up many of your interests, says Thuen.
The advantage of being single is that you can spend more time on your interests and pursue your values. Only you are the focus and you do exactly what you want.
Time alone does not have to be lonely. It can be the key to getting to know yourself better. Do you want to learn to knit? Do you want to train? Does.
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Larger social network
– When you are in a relationship, you stay more at home. When you are single, you have more freedom to go out on the town and be with friends. You are simply more social, says Thuen.
Have you perhaps experienced that you get less quality time with your friends when they enter into a relationship?
Depaulo says that singles have more friends and a larger social network.
– They spend more time taking care of friends, family, neighbors and colleagues. They also get more joy and emotional benefits from the time they share with friends and family.
Humans are “herd animals” it is said, and we like to be with others. As a single, you have more time to focus on quality time with friends and family.
– You can also form a larger “flock” with good friends, she says.
3. Better sleep
The theme in many relationships is that snoring and sleep patterns are different. Imagine being able to get the whole bed for yourself. You do not have to wake up when someone twists, snores or takes your place from the bed.
Singles get more sleep than those in relationships, Early Birds’ research shows.
Singles sleep 7.13 hours a day, while those in a relationship sleep 7.07 hours a day.
– In relationships, you are disturbed by your partner’s sleep, and will therefore sleep less, says Thuen.
4. Single stays in better shape
Most people may have heard of the “girlfriend pounds”. They quickly sneak up on those who are in a relationship.
Efficient everyday life and training are quickly replaced with dinner with your partner and a movie on Netflix with some snacks.
Research shows that singles exercise more than those in a relationship. Thus, they stay in better shape and in lower weight. You lose a lot of your own quality time, and training is one of the first things that is given priority.
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5. Freedom and own choices
Being single does not always mean that you are available; sometimes it simply means that you have to commit only to yourself.
– Single life opens up many possibilities. If there is something you want to do, you do not need to consult a romantic partner. You decide over your own life, Depaulo says.
You may be more lonely in a relationship
Counselor and therapist Lina Leyk believes it is just as meaningful to have a relationship with friends and family as a partner.
The advantage of being single is that it gives you the opportunity to find out who you are and can be who you are without being committed to anyone.
– In a relationship, you have an obligation to your partner and an emotional bond that can be painful.
Leyk experiences that many come to her because they are lonely and want a partner. She does not believe that a partner will alleviate loneliness.
– I think that loneliness is existential. You can be more lonely in a relationship than when you are alone, says Leyk.
She believes that loneliness is something inside the person, and it can create an inability to connect.
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70 years old, single and happy
Depaulo’s research with 70-year-olds who are single shows that as a single person you learn to know yourself better. You grow more as a human being, and you learn to challenge yourself and the world.
Depaulo says that singles are more confident and have stronger opinions, even if they stand out from what others think. The study showed several factors that are positive about being single, rather than being married:
More optimistic, less stressed and higher education.
Thuen says that you get better with yourself when you realize all the good you have. Stop focusing on what you do not have. Do not compare yourself with others, rather learn to enjoy the single life and the freedom you have.
– People should rather see the opportunities and benefits of being single, than see limitations and longing, says Thuen.